• Am I dying?

In early elementary, I would get these severe pains in my chest that left me unable to move or breathe for minutes. They happened once or twice a day with no warning. As I got into high school the severe pain started to only occur once a month or two but I’d still get daily moderate chest pains. Also in high school, I got in contact with my birth family and discovered my brother was diabetic. His heart ended up giving out in 2018 before I got to meet him in person.

I had been tested for diabetes twice already due to shaking, dizziness, and other signs, but after my brother passed away I went and got tested again. Of course, they all came back negative. The doctor I went to said I was just sensitive. The episodes, as I called them, had been happening all my life and got better when I ate or drank something sugary and sweet. I got tested one more time before graduating high school in 2019 with the same results.

During the last few months, I’ve noticed changes and I’ll list them below (not in order).
Fatigue: Being tired isn’t weird for me. I have insomnia and a poor diet but this is different. I need to sit or lay down after taking my 10 lbs dog up the stairs to go outside. I’ve always been a fast walker but now I’m lagging behind. I’ve been sleeping more too which is very unnatural for me. It’s only two or three hours more than I normally get but it’s still abnormal and worth mentioning. Even eating just wears me out. My jaw feels tired even if I’m eating something soft.
Shortness of Breath: I had asthma when I was younger but I haven’t used an inhaler since 2019. I’ve been struggling to breathe recently and it could just be because of the air quality but I’m adding it to the list regardless. I could sing long verses and play many measures on an instrument in one breath but now I get out of breath even when talking normally.
Weakness: God, I feel so weak all the time. I couldn’t open a gas canister last week and had to have a coworker open it for me. I used to be able to give my 235 lbs friend a piggyback ride but now I can only carry my 155 lbs friend on my back for a very short amount of time. The last time I gave her a ride was five to six months ago and I probably wouldn’t be able to anymore.
Changes in exercise tolerance: This one is similar to fatigue and weakness. At my job, there is a backpack blower we need to use but it’s become too heavy for me. I used to be able to start it, swing it onto my back, and walk around for an hour with no problem. Now I just stick to the small hand blower because I can barely lift the backpack blower anymore.
Chest pain: I still get severe pain occasionally but my chest constantly feels tight and it just aches all hours of the day.
Leg cramps: my legs feel tired and weak and I can’t walk for as long as I used to. I’ll be laying in bed and they’ll just start hurting, especially the calves.
Heart rate: My heart has been beating differently. It’s been skipping more beats than usual and it feels like it’s struggling to beat sometimes. It feels off even when I’m just sitting and watching a movie or reading a book. Then when I’m at work and being active it just beats so hard and so loud.
Other Pains: my neck, jaw, shoulders, arms, back, and stomach start hurting for no reason. I have chronic migraines and scoliosis but the pain has been a lot worse.
Dizziness: I feel like I’m going to pass out every time I stand up. I’ll get lightheaded randomly throughout the day as well.
Coughing: This could be because of my job but I’ve been coughing more than I used to. I work around dust but I didn’t cough this much when I started.
Nausea: For the last year I’ve been getting nauseous after I eat and it doesn’t matter what it is. It could be takis or an apple. Everything just makes me nauseous.
Weight and Appetite: despite nausea my appetite hasn’t changed much. I still eat the same amount and the same things but I’ve also dropped 10 lbs last week. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about losing weight but this weight loss wasn’t planned. I’m going to start keeping an eye on my weight to see if I start losing more unexpectedly. My BMI is at 19 so I’m still in the healthy range for height and weight so I’m not too worried yet.
Confusion: I have had a hard time concentrating recently and I’ve been getting easily confused.
Feeling Cold: I never feel cold. I can walk around Canada in shorts and a tank top while it’s snowing and feel completely fine. But now? I’ve been shivering regardless of how hot it is. My hands and feet have always been cold to the touch but my friend says they feel like ice now. I’ve gotten paler, too.
Vision: I do need a new prescription but my eyes have been having a hard time focusing even if what I’m looking at isn’t blurry.
Pets: my pets have been acting so strange recently. My dog freaks out if I adjust in my seat because he thinks I’m leaving the room. He just sits and stares at me all day long too. During cuddle time before bed, he’ll lay in between my arm and side then move to my other pillow or down by my knees. But recently he’s been laying on my chest. My three birds have free range of my bedroom but tend to keep to themselves. I respect their boundaries and let them come to me if they want attention. They become even more vocal when I enter and exit the room and have become more sociable with me. My dad will call and say his dog has been acting strange and so has my dog that lives with them. They’ve been restless and anxious and no one is sure why. My tarantulas…they just sit there minding their own business. My roommate’s cat has been acting differently too. He’ll pace around the front door waiting for me to get home and when I go downstairs she says he’ll sit at the basement door and meow until I come back up. He’s been demanding attention from me lately.
Gut feeling: This could just be because I’m overthinking everything but before I started noticing the changes my thoughts of death became more frequent. Don’t get me wrong, I struggle with depression and have had suicidal thoughts throughout my life but never once have I feared death. Even in elementary, I knew I was going to die young. Besides, these thoughts are different. These are not suicidal thoughts. I’ve had my funeral planned out from a young age but now I’ve been more serious about it. I’ve been tying up loose ends and making amends with people, even if I don’t talk to them anymore. And there’s just that feeling that something is wrong. I don’t know what, but I know that something isn’t right and that my time is running out. It’s hard to explain and I don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words that make sense.
I’m most likely leaving some things out and there are probably spelling mistakes but I can’t bring myself to care enough to proofread and make changes. I’m tired.
I'm going to go to the hospital as soon as I can afford it. I just feel like my body is shutting down and failing.