• Breakup during covid-19?

I've been living with what I thought was my partner for the past year and a half, only to find out he's "sexting" someone online since I moved in. Now he wants us to remain friends, and not move out due to the pandemic. What should I do?

8 Answers

  • Psychologist
  • Round Rock, TX

Have a face to face, heart to heart conversation to tell him your hurt, listen carefully to his response to see if it inspires trust in him and his serious and exclusive interest in you provided you still want that. I hope you can forgive him for your own benefit. Has he made a substantial sufficient coming clean and commitment to you that both of you can labor to build trust? Without forgiveness at least a seed that can grow AND seeds of responsibility from him that inspires the effort from both of you the future will likely be painful with little true progress. Does he regret doing it or getting caught? Is he trying to help you or make you sorry for him? Who is taking care of the other and how come?Cloyd Taylor, Ph.D. Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad.

  • Psychologist
  • Atlanta, GA

Hi Thanks for reaching out. Your situation is very close to home. Many people including therapists and parents will tell you to run for the hills. Many people will also tell you that you do not deserve him... I say easier said than done . I suspect this phrase is familiar to you in many respects. Suggestions I would suggest making a list of positivesnegatives to your relationship AS IT STANDS NOW LET HIM KNOW THAT IF HE STAYS, HE PAYS RENT! In all seriousness, you are at a crossroads when it is time to 1. Assess if your relationship as friends will do you more harm to your self esteem or if you feel more indifferent. 2. I would suggest making a list of positivesnegatives to your relationship AS IT STANDS NOW 3. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable talking to him about this situation. If not, why? 4. Create boundaries I am not sure if you have a therapist, but talking to someone can be very helpful. I work with many couples and have immediate openings. Virtual or in person. Please reach out via email or text to 4042451919 Michelle Einson, PhD Pediatric Psychologist Director of the STEPP Program 9802991234.

  • Psychologist
  • Scottsdale, AZ

That sounds incredibly painfuland confusing. Discovering that someone youve trusted and built a life with has been emotionally engaged with someone else can feel like a betrayal, and it makes perfect sense that youre left questioning what to do next. Youve invested time, care, and likely a deep emotional connection, only to be met with a situation that shakes the foundation of your relationship. Its also understandable that his request to stay friends and not move out, especially during an already stressful time may feel unfair or even manipulative. Your feelingswhether theyre sadness, anger, betrayal, or uncertaintyare valid. I am not sure I understand your comment in regards to the pandemic as we are under no restrictions right now. This might be a good time to talk with a therapist, someone who can offer a safe and supportive space for you to explore what you need and want moving forward. Therapy can help you reflect on how his choices have affected you and give you the clarity and strength to make decisions that align with your values, boundaries, and wellbeing. You dont have to go through this alone. You deserve support, and you deserve peace. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

  • Psychologist | Clinical Child & Adolescent
  • Lake Oswego, OR

Hi there, Thank you for reaching outand I want to start by saying that what you're going through sounds incredibly painful and confusing. Discovering this kind of betrayal from someone you trusted, especially while you're living together during such an isolating time, can feel overwhelming. It's completely understandable if you're feeling hurt, stuck, or unsure of what to do next. You dont have to go through this alone. We have clinicians here who specialize in relationships, betrayal trauma, and emotional recoveryincluding Liz Olsen, one of our experienced therapists who is especially skilled at helping people navigate these kinds of situations. Sometimes just having a space where you can speak openly and feel supported can be the first step toward finding your voice and deciding whats best for younot just practically, but emotionally. If youre open to it, we would really encourage you to reach out and see if she is a good fit or another member of our team. Were here to help you make sense of everything youre feeling, regain your footing, and support you through whatever decision you ultimately make. Please feel free to call or email us to set something up. You deserve to be treated better httpsforestpsychologicalclinic.com 971 3311366 Warmly, James.

  • Psychologist
  • Granada Hills, California

I'd say he blew it. I'd ask him to leave. There are residences that offer beds for $500 a month. You can't be his only resource. This is a natural consequence. His idea of friendship give him no consequence, and you have the whole consequence for his behavior. If you feel real bad, buy him a tent.

  • Psychiatrist
  • New York, New York

Think through the pros and cons.

  • Psychologist
  • Miami, Florida

Hello,

Sorry to hear that during these difficult times of COVID-19 you have to deal with another loss. Loss of trust in your partner! The biological information that you have provided below: is it for you or your partner? It is not clear. We do not know how long the pandemic will continue. So, you need to look at the larger picture regarding the living arrangement and whether you can remain friends under these circumstances. I would suggest you undertake in writing Pros and Cons of living with the partner and Pros and Cons of moving out. This is to help you not make an impulsive decision, as you will then engage both head and heart regarding your options. In case you are a codependent, you may benefit from "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Other books to consider are "Emotional Infidelity" by M. Gary Newman, "Getting past the affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring and Michael Spring, and "Getting past the Affair" by Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom, and Kristina Coop Gordon. Before you make a final decision, you may want to consider going to Couples Therapy provided by a licensed Psychologist and/or a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist so you can, per the subtitle of "Getting Past the Affair", ....."Cope, Heal and Move on---Together or Apart".
Be safe and take care.

Dr. Lata Sonpal

  • Psychologist
  • Fort Myers, Florida

See this reflection for some insight into your question:
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/my-partner-is-sexting-someone-else-should-i-end-the-relationship-a6974906.html
or:
http://netaddiction.com/is-cybersex-cheating/

Once you've applied these suggestions, then consider the next course of actions - if the relationship cannot be healed, work towards him moving out safely.

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