• My daughter says one of her friends is being hit by her parents. What should I do?

My daughter came home from school the other day and told me what her friend has said to her that her parents hit her. I know her parents and they're lovely people, I wouldn't even guess. I'm not sure if I should report this to someone at the school to investigate further, or if I should be quiet about it. What do you recommend I should do?

10 Answers

  • Social Work
  • Houston, TX

When confronted with a disclosure from a child indicating that one of their friends is experiencing physical abuse at home, it is imperative to address this situation with sensitivity and adherence to ethical and legal standards. This scenario raises ethical considerations concerning the welfare of the child involved and the responsibilities of the adult informed of the alleged abuse.
Firstly, it is vital to affirm the importance of the disclosure. Acknowledging the child who brought forth the information is crucial, as it reinforces the environment of trust and openness. According to the American Psychological Association’s (APA) ethical guidelines, promoting the welfare and protection of children is a fundamental obligation. Therefore, the adult receiving this information has a moral duty to take appropriate action.
Secondly, the adult should be guided by the principle of duty to report. In many jurisdictions, there are legal obligations to report suspicions or disclosures of child abuse to appropriate authorities, such as Child Protective Services (CPS). Reporting is a critical step in ensuring that the child in question receives professional intervention and protection. This aligns with the ethical principles outlined in frameworks such as the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) Code of Ethics, which emphasizes the social responsibility to ensure safety and justice for vulnerable populations.
Furthermore, it is essential to consider the maintenance of confidentiality while navigating the legal obligations to report. The individual should assure their own child that reporting is done confidentially and sensitively, underscoring that the intent is to help protect their friend rather than breach trust or cause upheaval. Ethical decision-making models stress the importance of balancing the need for confidentiality with the imperative of preventing harm.
Additionally, it is pertinent to provide emotional support to the child who reported the incident, emphasizing that speaking up was the right action. Educating the child about the procedures and likely outcomes of reporting can also alleviate anxiety and foster a sense of agency and understanding.
In conclusion, within the framework of ethical decision-making and legal mandates, an adult informed of potential child abuse should make a report to CPS or relevant authorities. This response should be carried out while maintaining sensitivity toward all children involved and adhering to the ethical priorities of protection and confidentiality. The process underscores a commitment to immediate intervention and the prevention of further harm, establishing a course of action firmly rooted in ethical guidelines and legal requirements.

  • Social Worker | Clinical
  • Aurora, CO

So each state has laws about child abuse and who are “mandated reporters”. It is the role of child protective services (CPS) to investigate any report of “suspicions” of child abuse. So they are the ones who can find out vs you or your daughter feeling like you have to become detectives or police officers. You can file the reports anonymously and some states have “safe to tell” hotlines.
I also recommend having ongoing supportive conversations with your daughter so she feels safe and can also be there for her friend who feels safe to open up to her. The school counselor would be a great resource for support and resources.
Hope this helps!
Kylee, LCSW, PhD Candidate

  • Social Work
  • Round Rock, TX

Thank you for reaching out. Under no circumstances is violence acceptable. I view your daughter as a credible witness and sometimes nice people behave inappropriately. I would talk to them and look for any signs of injury and your daughter. Her wellbeing is paramount to everything else. I probably would be reticent to have her play over there again if unsupervised. I would have her invite her friends over to your place and look for any signs of harm to their child.

  • Counselor/Therapist | Mental Health
  • Norwalk, CT

Hello,
This is a very 'sticky' situation. It really depends on how severe the 'hitting' behavior is. Are there marks/bruises left or is the hitting 'legal' meaning being hit with an open hand and not with an object. If its a situation that you feel the minor is at risk for serious injury you can file a CPS /DCF report anonymously to protect your identity, however your identity can become known if the situation lands in a court case. It seems like you and your daughter have a nice relationship and open communication, your daughter could encourage her friend to tell a trusting adult at school for increased opportunity to investigate. If you feel that its best to say something be mindful of what that can do to the relationship with the parents and even so the relationship with your daughter and her friend, but I do condone safety over anything, even if it means some consequences. I hope this was helpful and things get better.

  • Social Worker | Clinical
  • Seattle, WA

If you are told something that involves any level of abuse for a vulnerable adult, you need to strongly consider reporting this to your local CPS entity to aid the child and the system will work to provide this family support to keep the home safe.

  • Social Work
  • Wichita, KS

Yes, I think that you should report it. They might seem like lovely people in public but you never know what others are like behind closed doors. In Kansas, all residents are mandated reporters, not just those that work with children. You can report this and remain anonymous in the report. Think of it this way too: this might be what this family needs, a wake up call. CPS can help them get into parenting classes and gain the skills that they need to be better at parenting. I would suggest "love and Logic" by Jim Faye.

  • Social Worker
  • Appleton, WI

Talk to the school counselor about what your daughter told you and let them handle the situation. Investigations will only occur if necessary.

  • Social Work
  • Kaysville, UT

Hello, I would report it to proper authorities (child protective services) anonymously.

  • Social Work
  • Downers Grove, IL

Start with the school social worker. she can discretely investigate the situation. If your the social worker sees signs of beating: i.e. bruises, acute fear reaction to loud noises or other signs that indicate an exagerated response to unexpected quick movement around her. When I was a school social worker if a child came to school with welts on their body or a hand print still visible on their body one reported the situation to Child Protective Services or DCFS, Department of child and family services.

  • Social Work
  • San Diego, CA

It’s definitely a tough situation and not an easy one to answer, especially when children are involved. The one thing you will ask yourself is what is the priority here. The first thing is safety. Is the child safe? Based on what your daughter shared, it doesn’t sound like it. Your job is not to investigate, so, yes, you can notify child protective services. Even though you are not considered a mandate reporter, you can still report what your daughter shared. Once it is reported, it's up to CPS to take the report and follow up. When they follow up, they do not share with the parents who made the report in order to keep the anonymity of the situation. It was very brave of your daughter to share about her friend to her.

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